Meeting the sperm donor for the first time: what can shape the experiences of donor conceived people?

How do donor-conceived people experience being linked with and meeting the sperm donor for the first time, and how are these experiences shaped by individual contexts and professional support?

A qualitative semi-structured interview study was conducted with 17 donor-conceived people [mean ± SD age 31.94 ± 7.25 years; 15 females, two males; 14 with (previously) anonymous donors, three with identifiable donors]. Participants were recruited through a previous study with donor-conceived people, and announcements on the website and social media of two relevant organizations. Interviews, based on previous literature and consultation with an advisory board, lasted for approximately 1 h, and were audio-taped and transcribed verbatim. The transcripts were analysed in MAXQDA2020 using a constant comparative method.

Overall, participants reported positive experiences around the first meeting with the donor in terms of feelings (e.g. relief, happiness), flow of the meeting, and sense of recognition and connection. Some participants also reported negative experiences (e.g. negative or ambiguous feelings, negative flow of the meeting, lack of recognition or connection). Experiences seemed to be influenced by motivations, strength of desire to meet the donor, search process, expectations regarding the donor, interactions with the donor, and support from a counsellor around the meeting.

The findings indicate that donor-conceived people value meeting the sperm donor, with various aspects shaping their experiences. Counselling was recognized as helpful in managing expectations, but should be tailored to address individual needs regarding intensity and content before, during and after the meeting.