The Dynamics of Interpersonal Emotion Regulation: How Sharers Elicit Desired (But Not Necessarily Helpful) Support

When in distress, people often seek help in regulating their emotions by sharing them with others. Paradoxically, although people perceive such social sharing as beneficial, it often fails to promote emotional recovery. This may be explained by people seeking—and eliciting—emotional support, which offers only momentary relief. We hypothesized that (1) the type of support sharers seek shapes corresponding support provided by listeners, (2) the intensity of sharers’ emotions increases their desire for emotional support and decreases their desire for cognitive support, and (3) listeners’ empathic accuracy promotes support provision that matches sharers’ desires. In 8-min interactions, participants (N = 208; data collected in 2016–2017) were randomly assigned to the role of sharer (asked to discuss an upsetting situation) or listener (instructed to respond naturally). Next, participants watched their video-recorded interaction in 20-s fragments. Sharers rated their emotional intensity and support desires, and listeners rated the sharer’s emotional intensity and their own support provision. First, we found that the desire for support predicted corresponding support provision. Second, the intensity of sharers’ emotions was associated with an increased desire for emotional and cognitive support. Third, the more accurately listeners judged sharers’ emotional intensity, the more they fulfilled sharers’ emotional (but not cognitive) support desire. These findings suggest that people have partial control over the success of their social sharing in bringing about effective interpersonal emotion regulation. People elicit the support they desire at that moment, explaining why they perceive sharing as beneficial even though it may not engender emotional recovery.